Small Children ‘n drunks…. by Ben Cooper (Creative Resident) #4

8 May


Welcome to the 4th of 4 post slots from our creative in residence for April- Ben Cooper  who has, over the last 4 weeks, been sharing some of his pieces with us.

Thank you Ben for all your creativity over the last month. 


Small children ‘n drunks…
How do you tell them apart?…
By their height?
No. A toddler can be small, but there are short drunks too…

By their incoherent demands?
Nope. A toddler yowling about wanting a juice box or that the fact there wasn’t enough peanut butter in their peanut butter sandwich is surprisingly interchangeable with a dude yowling for his ex-girlfriend ‘n for another drink…’n now thanks to toys now-a-days ‘n small kids, awkward drunk dialing isn’t for drunks anymore. My tiny niece loves talking on her tiny play cellphone or stealing my mine.

How can you tell the difference between small children ‘n drunks?

Is it a difference in temperament? Naw. One might throw a tantrum over not watching a particular episode of Max ‘n Ruby or the fact it’s bedtime, but another might throw a tantrum over his team not winning or the fact it’s last call at the pub…’n the I love you man, cuddliness thing is sort of a universal kid trait, but some drunks got it too.

How to tell the difference between a small child ‘n a drunk?

Is it a lack of inhibitions? Naw. My little nephew is as rowdy ‘n annoying as any drunken hooligan…’n has the same bladder capacity.

Energy levels?
Nope. A drunk can be as energetic as a toddler ‘n both of them can crash pretty hard into snoring heaps…eventually…thankfully in the case of small children or there would be packs of insane marauding parents raiding grocery stores for wine, beer ‘n the harder stuff…

Really the only ways to tell a drunk from a small child is a kid acts drunk without the benefit of alcohol ‘n a drunk doesn’t usually wear diapers.



Hi I’m Benjamin A. Cooper, okay at writing, terrible at writing bios ‘n very happy to be a part of this project.


You can see Ben’s section of our first Hot Potato Collaborative Short Story here and his first residency piece here.



Take a look at our Kickstarter Campaign for Transformations




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